Self-doubt - oh, that old chestnut...

Being out of my comfort zone brings back reminders of insecurities growing up. I was always a perfectionist, which is a problem because you waste a lot of time on the last 20% of something, when everyone else already thinks it's fine. I recognise that trait today and attempt to reign it in, so as not to debilitate my efforts.

Reassurance

Then there was the constant need for reassurance, that what I've done is good enough. I still get that today. Strongly connected to being a perfectionist, I worry about publishing something to find out later that it had a major flaw.

Well history has shown me that, that bad and good stuff always happens when you go public with something. With my old band Oblique Visions, we spent a year releasing a self-funded CD back in the mid 90's and I listen to it today, and although I am very proud of what we achieved, it is full of issues. Mixing was terrible. the volume levels are bad, constant panning of my guitar drives me nuts. The music was fantastic, but the sound quality of the mix - at least when you compare it to other stuff - wasn't crash hot. But if I was to be realistic, there are many commercial releases I've listened to since then, that were also pretty bad and realistically I should worry about it in the scheme of things.

Mistakes are Fine

So I think I'm turning a new corner. I've recognised, even now with my impending release of a song, that I'm going to have to start trusting myself and my judgement a bit more. Because quite frankly, as long as it isn't atrocious, it's probably fine. If I can compare it with a commercial release and say "Well that doesn't sound too far off", I think I should start letting go.